"Thanks for riding STFU Cab!"

My REM dream tonight:

I found myself driving a cab with brakes that barely work with obnoxious passengers. She kept screaming at me about my driving. My cab handled like a pig on ice -- a good thing when the semi with the heavy machine gun opened fire on me and the shots bounced off the cab's heavy armor. Once the semi veered off, I pulled the cab over, reached under the dash and pulled out a 30 Years' War wheel-lock pistol as long as my forearm with a bore the size of a king-size jawbreaker and told the passenger and her six kids to STFU or get out of my cab. She screamed and I shot her with ketchup from that wheel lock. The kids licked the ketchup off her.

THAT shut her up. I got the family to their destination and they paid me with two sheep. I reloaded the pistol with ketchup and drove off.