(A car like the one I discuss below)
Dear motherfucking retard:
I just wanted to write to you to convey my deepest hatred and loathing for the manner in which you parked your piece-of-shit Honda barely a foot from the driver side door of my van this afternoon. I parked in the center of my space -- a full sized one, by the way, you sack of turd. I must assume that the ass-clown school where you learned to drive, you shit-eating asshole, taught you how to park with some consideration for, you know, OTHER PEOPLE. It was that same concern for others that prevented me from taking a screwdriver to your paint job, slashing your tires and calling in your license number to the CHP as a drunk driver.
You may not realize that I am a morbidly obese, mobility-impaired 49 year old man who simply could squeeze into the space you left me. Not without scratching up your sad excuse for a ricemobile. Nor is it a simple matter of climbing in another of my van's doors -- I'm a claustrophobe too, fuck you very much.
I managed to get my van out of the space before you returned from your treatment for late stage nasal syphilitic dementia and morbid assholia by disengaging the transmission's park gear and pushing it back out again. If I had not, I'm not sure I could have restrained myself from doing something my friends, relations and bail bondsman would all regret.
So, until you make somebody else's day miserable, EAT SHIT AND DIE!!
-- RichO
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